Of Stilettos and Inner Voices
June 7, 2009Wow, it seemed like forever since I last visited all my blogs. For the past three weeks, I have been very preoccupied with training for a job which I discovered does not fit me very well. Working for an ad agency requires special skills and talents which I naturally don’t have. I was working 48 hours straight, I wasn’t eating well and I wasn’t able to do my other passions at all (like I kept withdrawing my attendance to all my acting workshops every Sunday coz I was either working on my report or too tired to get out of bed on a Sunday afternoon). It seemed very exciting at first. I was travelling all over the metro, scanning for the latest trends. I didn’t mind the pain it was causing my body particluarly my legs and feet. But when it came to finally writing down all the data, analyzing them, and CARING ABOUT THEM, 24 hours in a day were clearly not enough. I am naturally apathetic about a lot of things. I am not tsismosa, I have no opinion whatsoever about politics, I sometimes easily forget about trivial things like what I bought, where I bought it, how much was it, etc. (kaya nga ako may blog for these things, para I can always go back to them later on for reference), I don’t even know what my family and friends want as their favorite things and I just basically don’t care about what’s in or out. So how can I be a consumer expert, right? And that was when I started having misgivings. I felt I was not fit for the job. I knew that even if I passed the training, I won’t be able to stomach this kind of lifestyle. I needed my weekends, my freedom, my little playful things. And so with a strangely sane mind, I sent my resignation letter. The training has served its purpose. At least now I know that this is not what I want.
~~~oOo~~~
Dear Boss,
I hope the weekend treated you nicely. Mine was ok if only a little weird. I woke up last Saturday to find a letter on my bedside table. As the consequences of the letter will concern you, I would like to share it with you here:
Dear Jen,
It has come to our attention that you have been more than a little unhappy the past few days. And because we are who we are, we know exactly the reason why that is so. You have been forcing yourself to fit into something that you thought would be really great on you but just sadly isn’t. It’s like the most gorgeous pair of strappy stilettos at half price. They’re in your size and you can afford them, but alas, they hurt your feet like anything else. And yes. We know how it hurts even worse having to let them go. But at the end of the day, that’s what you need to do.
Just like those shoes, your new job isn’t exactly what you thought it would be. Because you are who you are, you’ve managed to pull things off pretty well so far. But the cost to you was rather monumental. You haven’t been sleeping. You haven’t been eating right. You haven’t been happy at all. Not for some time. And we are sorry to say that we simply cannot have that.
We know that you can continue forcing yourself to be good at this, all the way to the point of burning out, but that’s not fair to you or us. More importantly, it’s not fair to your work. Your work deserves someone who is not only great at it, but has passion for it too. We think you already know deep down that you are not that person. It is for this reason that we implore you to bow out now and seek to find your bliss elsewhere. It seems it will be best for everyone.
Sincerely,
Jen, Jen and Jen
My pride makes it difficult for me to just let go. It isn’t like me to not finish something that I started. But I do think Jen, Jen and Jen are right. So it is with a heavy heart that I respectfully submit my resignation from the training program. It’s been a great learning experience for me, a very humbling one at that. Thank you so much for the opportunity you’ve given me and I can only hope that this will not inconvenience you too badly. If it is possible for you to still get my last allowance check, I will very much appreciate it if you can use it to treat the department to some nice ice cold treats and some assorted beverages. Again, many, many thanks!
see you soon!
